August 21, 2006

On my Mind

This past week I have had a lot of stuff on my mind. The conflict has been resolved. It hasn't made things go back to normal, but they are better than they were last weekend.
I feel like Cher (from the movie clueless) after Tai became popular. Its dumb and unfounded, but I'm kinda jealous.
I had a pretty good relationship, but I think I just have to let go. Things are not going to change and I can't spend my life hoping they will.
There is something good for me, but I'm scared. If I do the wrong thing here it will make things complicated. I wish life were simple.
I'm ready for a house. Its all I've talked about for a year and a half. I looked this past weekend, but nothing I saw is "the house". I'm tired of waiting.
I think I've been acting mean. I tease my friends and I don't mean harm, but lately I've been putting a bit of truth in those words. I don't like to see that in me.
My good friends have broken up for good. It makes me sad. They suited each other well.
There has not been any news about the job application. I want to transfer departments and work in a field closer to what I got my degree in, but we're not supposed to contact the HR people and no one has contacted me. No new job and no raise.
I don't have a roommate. I don't know how I'm going to afford my house. Not when the morgage is going to take half of my income, plus there is utilities and other things I will need. I'm going to have to work 7 days a week or find a better job.
Last, I feel like I can't be an adult on my own. I value this person's opinion, but at the same time, I feel as if she encourages me to do what she wants me to do. Not in a mean way. "Suggestions" are usually followed by me, because I want her approval. I just want to find the happy balance between using the wisdom she has and being my own person.

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