October 26, 2006

He says it better

Andrew Peterson (on of my favorite musicians) says it all better than I ever could in his Journal from Oct 22, 2006.

I've noticed lately that a common refrain in my prayers is that God would untangle my mind. For as long as I can remember I've had this itch at the back of my brain that something just isn't right in there, and that that something has caused me a lot of problems. Aside from the fact that, from a theological standpoint, I'm broken and on the long road to holiness, my brain is and has always been a dysfunctional organ.

When I pray, my mind wanders almost immediately. I can start off praising God for His goodness and mercy and by the time that first sentence is through I'm already mentally zipping through the cereals in the cupboard, wondering which one I should eat today. For a long time I wrote my prayers down in a journal, not so much to keep a tally of which prayers God had answered, but so that I could try to wrestle my flighty thoughts to the ground and keep them from running away from me. But my hand cramps after a few pages of writing, and I've misplaced a couple of journals that were laden with deep, dark secrets. It horrifies me that those journals are somewhere out in America, being perused by some jerk who isn't decent enough to mail it to the address on the first page. (Can you tell it upsets me?) So I don't do that so much anymore.

I don't like writing these things, because I'd rather portray myself as some beard-stroking, pipe smoking genius with barely enough time to write down all that's in his shining mind. If you function under any delusions that the guy who you hear singing his songs on your CD player is any smarter, better, or holier than you, think again. I'm not fishing for compliments, or hoping that anyone will coddle me for being down on myself. That's not what this is. I'm just appalled sometimes at how very, very fallen I am, even after years of encountering the maker of the world in very tangible ways. I take comfort in how pig-headed the apostles could be, even after years of eating, sleeping, walking with the Man Himself.

So Lord? Untangle my mind. Help me to see the logical end to my train of thought, that I might live in truth and not illusion. Help me to value time with others more than time with the next episode of Lost. Help me to fight tooth and nail against this culture of celebrity and wealth in a world where children are dying in the rubble of some terror blown city. Help me to recognize my attempts to deceive myself into believing that I can function without You. Help me to be who You want me to be, no matter how scary that is. Madame Guyon said that becoming more holy and drawing near to You was like water evaporating and rising to the clouds—it has only to let You do Your work. The impurities will fall away as I transform into who I am meant to be. Bring the good work you started in me to completion, and soon, because these days I can hardly bear to be myself.

October 23, 2006

Thomas and a Green Egg

Yesterday, my Aunt had her first baby!! It was a boy, which is suprizing considering that she came from a family of four girls and my mom has three. They named him Thomas. Its going to be cool to have a cousin on that side of the family. Until now, we had been the only grandkids. I can't wait for my Aunt and Uncle to send pictures.

Arie, finally decided to lay an egg. Hers are green! Now, I'm going to have to get some ham, just so I can recite Dr. Seuss as I eat my food. I'm sure my family will love that! But I won't eat them with a fox or in a box.

October 16, 2006

Craig and his List

If you have ever been on Craigslist you know that they have ads for just about everything. One section is "Missed Connections". People place ads that are usually something like
"I saw you at the grocery store. We were both eyeing the apples, we held each others glaze for just a minute. I thought you were attractive and I wanted to ask you out, but instead of being cool as a cumber, I chickend out.
I hope we have a chance of meating again."

I like to read them, because I find them interesting. People entertain me. Anyways, I read one that was written about a girl who works at my company. I wasn't sure if it was one of my co-workers, but it looked as if it might be. So I emailed the writer. It turns out he is in another building and I didn't know the girl. Still, he told me who she was and I sent in an e-mail to her with a link to the ad. It was really complimentary, but he couldn't ever really date her. She still thought it was sweet and it made her day. I wish I worked in the same department just to see who the people were. Thats my story of playing semi-matchmaker. The end.

October 15, 2006

Marshmallows, Eggs, and Chicken

Mosaic had their yearly trip to the country. We ate marshmallows on smores, roasted hot dogs, and went on a hayride. It was a good time. I like to be outside. I don't do it nearly enough. I spend too much of my life in front of my computer screen doing nothing that matters. We had worship around the campfire, I like to worship when the setting is pure and unadorned by all this extra stuff. Even the words. I sat next to AN today and usually she is responsible for the projector, which makes it hard to worship on your own, but tonight she was able to be free from that.

The chickens have started laying this week. Everyone has dispensed at least 2 eggs in the chicken fort except my Arie. I think she must just be a late bloomer. Hopefully soon she will start laying. I'm excited to see what color hers will be. still it is exciting to be about to go out and collect them. The chickens are a good pets. There is just something really cool about having hens in your yard. They make me happy.

We had a funeral for Emet today. It was so sad. I liked our cockatiel's, although he wasn't my favorite pet. I was still pretty upset because last week he died on my watch. My family was gone and I was watching him when I came home and found him lying down ( which birds don't do). I felt really bad, like it was my fault, even though I knew it wasn't.

I looked at a condo today. It was an open house actually, but I had looked at one two doors down yesterday and I wanted to compare. I really like the location. Its about 10 minutes from my parents house and 15 from work. There was one that had a "chicken kitchen" with wallpaper that I really liked. It was sold. I was so disappointed. I don't quite know what to do about a new home. I could get a house or a condo townhouse. The condo would be bigger and probably nicer, but with a house I would not have an association fee. I just don't know what to do. Maybe I'll find another one in the "chicken kitchen" condo neighborhood, and live there.

October 2, 2006

Just because my hair isn't blonde

doesn't mean I don't do dumb things.
An old story I found from my Cracker Barrel days.
I was waiting on this table with 3 guys who all ordered sandwiches for lunch. They looked like professionals probably worked at one of the local businesses. So anyways I gave them their food and asked if there was anything else they needed. One of the guys asked if we had miracle whip. Now let me just say that I was pretty busy at the time, so I was thinking about 100 things at once. I told him that we didn't have miracle whip, but we had whipped cream. He just looked at me like I had lost my mind, which I had. Maybe I set it down on one of the other tables. I really wondered why he wanted whipped cream to go with his sandwich, but I've learned people have weird tastes. So when I realized that he meant mayo and not whipped cream I told him we did have that, and I brought him some. He never said a word about my dumbness, but I had a good laugh over it later.