Today was the big 21 for GG. I went over to his house and straightened his hair. It looked good that way. If only I could convince him to wear it like that all the time. I was good and came home in time for my curfew even though people were telling me I should have just said I wasn't coming home. They did it with their parents and now after they pushed the limits they don't have the restrictions any more. I wish I could have stayed. Its just the fact that I wanted to be there with everyone. It bothers me, my parents know it bothers me. I feel like pushing the limit and not coming home, but I can't do that to my parents. I know its just because they love me, but I feel as if she is not going to let me grow up. Sometimes its like I'm suffocating. When I was a teenager I always thought my parents didn't understand. Now, I can see that they were teenages to and they do. I respect them because I live here, but I sure don't like it.
Where oh where is my house.
June 14, 2006
June 10, 2006
On the Verge
I am so frustrated. I feel like I am just waiting for things to happen. For the past year I have been talking about buying a house, but now that it is time I don't even know what to do. Do you contact a realtor first or get pre-approved for a loan? Who is even going to give me a loan, because all ESI pays me is peanuts?
I did not go to college to make $10.50 an hour and work in finance. Before I went to school I had $20k saved up, I should have bought my house then, but noooo I had to get educated. Too bad it hasn't done a bit of good. My 10 year old sister is capable of doing most of my work. Its so boring. If I weren't allowed to listen on my headphones to books and music, I'd have gone crazy long ago. Its a good company and I have good benefits, I just want to earn a decent wage. I make more money waitressing, plus I enjoy myself a lot more at BE.
Life is just stuck at this point. I'm so discouraged. Today my mom and I were in St. Charles and we saw some cute townhouses. I jumped out of the car to grab a info flyer and they were $193,000. I can't afford that and it was a townhouse. This is just so dumb. I need to do something.
I did not go to college to make $10.50 an hour and work in finance. Before I went to school I had $20k saved up, I should have bought my house then, but noooo I had to get educated. Too bad it hasn't done a bit of good. My 10 year old sister is capable of doing most of my work. Its so boring. If I weren't allowed to listen on my headphones to books and music, I'd have gone crazy long ago. Its a good company and I have good benefits, I just want to earn a decent wage. I make more money waitressing, plus I enjoy myself a lot more at BE.
Life is just stuck at this point. I'm so discouraged. Today my mom and I were in St. Charles and we saw some cute townhouses. I jumped out of the car to grab a info flyer and they were $193,000. I can't afford that and it was a townhouse. This is just so dumb. I need to do something.
May 31, 2006
And so its decided
The past couple days Knight has been asking me questions about how I feel about him since we've been dating for about a month. I told him that I liked him, but he was expecting me to be more attached at this point. He feels like we didn't get to spend a lot of time together, which is true. But you have to take into account that I work six days a week and still live at home so I have family commitment. I saw him more than I have any of my other friends. I also talk to him on the phone more than anyone else too, since he is a big phone person.
Anyways it was decided mostly by him, that we would just be friends. Maybe sometime in the future things will be different, but now they're not. I'm fine with this. I was not in any hurry. As much as I want things in my life to happen, I'm also learning to be content with where they are.
Anyways it was decided mostly by him, that we would just be friends. Maybe sometime in the future things will be different, but now they're not. I'm fine with this. I was not in any hurry. As much as I want things in my life to happen, I'm also learning to be content with where they are.
May 25, 2006
Fever
I am sick. Pride goes before a fall, just last weekend I was bragging how I didn't get sick all winter. With all the vitamins and the 4H tea I take I thought I was just so healthy. Since I'm me though I've still been faithfully attending work. Why can't I take a sick day like normal people? I guess I'm just weird like that. I'd have to be throwing up to not go into work. My mom didn't raise a wimp.
May 19, 2006
Pros and Cons
What do you do when you are mixed up?
I still see gg. We hang out. Things between us are no longer ackward. They're quite good actually. We haven't really resolved any of the things that caused us to break up, but we acknowledge that the attraction is still there. I know him better than anyone else does. We're good for each other. We balance out our personalities. He needs me and I need him.
This would all be fine, I could live with thigs like that. I was happy to let it be unresolved for a while hoping that at some point we could come to an agreement.
BUT Knight and I started hanging out. We're dating. I can't commit to him at this point in time for two reasons. One. I thought I was over gg, but I'm not. I don't know that I even want to be. Two. When/if we do make a committment, I want to be sure that it is right. Honestly, right now I don't know that it is. He has all these good points, but somehow it feels strange. Maybe thats because of gg, or maybe its because Knight and I aren't ment to be. I should be happy to have found a guy who likes my family, has a good job, wants kids. EW said it best when he commented that knight can be "slightly annoying". He calls me. A lot. A whole lot. I don't need to talk to him 5 times a day. He wants to hang out with me (which is good), but he wants to see me more often than I have time to spare. He stopped by my house even to see if I wanted to go to El Shaddai ranch with him after I had said all week that I wasn't going to do anything with him on Friday night. At this point it time I don't want to spend too much time together or else things will start moving too fast and I don't want to make any decisions right now.
I still see gg. We hang out. Things between us are no longer ackward. They're quite good actually. We haven't really resolved any of the things that caused us to break up, but we acknowledge that the attraction is still there. I know him better than anyone else does. We're good for each other. We balance out our personalities. He needs me and I need him.
This would all be fine, I could live with thigs like that. I was happy to let it be unresolved for a while hoping that at some point we could come to an agreement.
BUT Knight and I started hanging out. We're dating. I can't commit to him at this point in time for two reasons. One. I thought I was over gg, but I'm not. I don't know that I even want to be. Two. When/if we do make a committment, I want to be sure that it is right. Honestly, right now I don't know that it is. He has all these good points, but somehow it feels strange. Maybe thats because of gg, or maybe its because Knight and I aren't ment to be. I should be happy to have found a guy who likes my family, has a good job, wants kids. EW said it best when he commented that knight can be "slightly annoying". He calls me. A lot. A whole lot. I don't need to talk to him 5 times a day. He wants to hang out with me (which is good), but he wants to see me more often than I have time to spare. He stopped by my house even to see if I wanted to go to El Shaddai ranch with him after I had said all week that I wasn't going to do anything with him on Friday night. At this point it time I don't want to spend too much time together or else things will start moving too fast and I don't want to make any decisions right now.
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