I feel mean.

Do you ever just get tired of your freinds? I love my group of friends. They're really fun, but right now they are just getting on my nerves. Nothing in particular, just in general. I need to hang out with different people for a while. I think its just that we are together almost all the time. I need variety, I need to do something different. I feel bad or guilty for having these feelings. I'm not so worried right now about being done with school. I will be good to do something different. I think that I am ready for some change now.

Midterm

So I'm supposed to write my American Political Thought paper for tonight. Plus, I have a mid-term that is due at midnight. Needless to say here I am writing my blog. I can't concentrate and I don't know what to do. I feel so dumb on my World Lit. everyone else comes up with theses ideas that make them sound really intelligent. I'm afraid that I'll do bad, and not sound smart at all. I'm not worried about my Pol thought class. I can always pull that off, I just can't finish it until late Monday afternoon. Anyways I'm going back to my room now hopefully the internet will work there and I can finish.

Life in general, nothing special

Its hard to write when not much that is blog-worthy happens in my life right now. The guys in my life are being dumb. Although senior guy, has started paying attention to me again. I don't know whats up with that, but its cool. For the longest time he was polite if he saw me, but not overly friendly. It all changed Friday night at mid-winter cosmic bowlin. He went back to the guy I originally met and liked. Still I'm sure nothing will happen there.

All I want is to meet a guy that I have a chance with. Its not such a hard request. Still I do have a great group of chick friends to hang out with. In that way I'm really blessed. I have the kinds of friendships I always wished that I had in Highschool.

Average Day

I'm back to normal tanya. Yay, its nice to be back. Things from last week aren't really resolved, but I'm more accepting of them. I just get like that sometimes.

So here's something strange, I went out with an ex on Thursday night. It was really intersting. In some ways he hasn't changed. It was very different to be with him. It could have been easy to go back a couple years to when we dated. At the same time I realied that my decision in breaking up was the right one. He asked me about it and I tried to explain, but he countered all my reasons. I don't want to play with him.

I should sleep although at this point its kinda silly. I have NOTHING do to tommrow at all. Cheerleading practice was cancelled and that was my only scheduled activity. So I'll prolly end up sleeping in a bit and then going stir-crazy in my room. I hope someone can hang out with me.

GRRR

I'm in one of those moods. Its the time where I get so fruatrated and bored. I'm just not happy. I need to do something, sameness is going to kill me. Loneliness is no good. Part of it is due to the fact that Feb. 3 always makes me think about what could have been. How my life would be different had I chosen a different path. I think the decision I made was a good one, but I never can be completely sure. Seven years is a long time to remember.

Why can't I be in a relationship? I ask myself this all the time. All of my friends have someone, yet I'm alone. People tell me I'm pretty, I don't think I'm too strange or anything. Strill its hard to imagine that the problem is with other people. I must be doing something wrong, I just don't know what.

To add to the frustration, Pharmboy messaged me out of no where. Its just reminding me of more junk. Then I was supposed to hang out with another friend from work. He totally stood me up. I just don't know what to do!