This weekend has been a bit of a rollercoaster. Its been so full of ups and downs.
Friday, I found out my closest friend is moving far, far away in a couple of months. I am so sad. We are really close and have been through a lot together. Not many people know me so well. I don't often let people see the Tanya underneath. Few have seen me cry. We have spent whole days together and still are friends. I can deal with the move, I just wish it wasn't so far. Its hard to imagine never seeing eachother in person again.
I got to see Andrew Peterson in concert, which was cool. I love his music. He also gave me a hint and I now know the secret to The Far Country.
Saturday we had "orgainic church" which is exciting to be part of something good. I went to look at a couple condos which has become a Saturday afternoon activity. On the way, mom and I started talking about relationships. She's was telling me things I need to hear, but didn't really want to. She has given me perspective. There are things I thought that I could deal with, but it isn't what I always said I wanted. Is it worth it? It could be, but I don't know. In time I could, but if the answer was No I would feel horrible having taken his time. I already feel guilty, like I am leading him along, when really I am just confused. I can give good relationship advise to others, My own life is a lot harder. I know he would say he didn't mind giving me time, but that doesn't make it the right thing for me to do. I don't always like to take my mom's advise, but on this one she is looking at it from someone who has been in the same situation as he. So I should listen. She actually seems more concerned about him than me.
Sunday morning I was so positive. It felt like things were coming together. Like this new chapter was finally going to happen. My fingers are cramped from having the pen poised ready to write for so long, but these words aren't coming. I'm still stuck at the end of the previous chapter. Its not that there is anything left to say, the new one is still in the works.
I took my dad to see the condo. This was supposed to be my new home. It had a big walk in closet in the master bedroom, wood floors in the kitchen and dining room, new carpet in the rest of the house. The basement was finished. It had 4 bathrooms! I don't know what I would do with four bathrooms, but it was nice. My dad and sisters approved. I liked the location. The only problem? Aluminum wires (for those of you who don't know, that is bad, very bad, like good chance of burning down bad). The night before I prayed that if it wasn't the condo I should purchase God would put up a roadblock.
I didn't want this roadblock. I wanted to get it. I am so ready, its just so frustrating, because I thought this was it. Now, I'm back to the beginning.
We talked, I didn't like what I felt compelled to say, but I think it was the right thing for me to do.