July 6, 2005

I'm a Wimp

I really don't know what to write. I just know that I have to.
I don't really understand it. Lately it seems all the guys that I even manage to halfway date lose interest rather quickly. Except this guy who gives me attention at work, but I'm scared to even mention him to my family. I know he isn't right for me, but I just want to be liked. Every time in the past when I have tried sneaking around things have turned out bad, something which I do not want to repeat. Still what am I to do? I might be 22, but usually it feel more like 18. Maybe I'm acting like it. What would I say? "Its my life, let me make my mistakes?" Then I don't even know what would happen and I'm too scared to see. I always try to live up to my mother's expectations. She tells me to be "a step above" she wants me to succeed. I can't stand disappointing her. Not that I don't have goals and dreams of my own, she reminds me of things I've said for myself. it just seems like I always try to gain her favor, and when I do something that won't; I just hide it. Which is wrong. I can't do that anymore since I'm not 15.
I'm a wimp.

2 comments:

Jennifer said...

Somewhere in what you've already said, is the answer.

Stew said...

If you can call it that, here's the greatest advice I can give you. It is okay to make mistakes, really. There's been a lot of my friends lately that have been getting into relationships (I've had no luck, but a couple of funny stories), and their biggest concern is they're going to do something incredibly stupid that would completely ruin the relationship.

Mistakes can be fixed, apologies can be made and accepted. The first time you realized you've done something wrong, that's a mistake. If you continue do it, it's no longer a mistake, and you're damaging the relationship. Make sense? Harder to explain in writing.

The point: make mistakes. Don't stress.