Orientation

Today I got a nice break at work. I had orientation which was a bunch of boring stuff, but I got a nice long lunch and a break from the usual cpcc. I also made some new friends. An interesting friend who I have bunches of things in common with. Life might get interesting again.

I feel so bad for gg. It seems he's dropped off of the planet. I pray for him everyday that he will be able to get things worked out, but at the same time I am making myself give him space and let go.

Back to boring

I got a new job. Except its my same old job. Now however ESI writes my paychecks instead of the temp agency. I got a tiny raise. Thats nice.

I'm kind bored with stuff. This used to happen a lot more when I was in school. Ususally about halfway through the sememster, espicially the spring sememster things would just get boring. At least then there would be things like spring break to break up the monotony. Now there is no such luck.

I work too much. 6 days a week. Sometimes more. Why? Why not? I have goals - like buying a house and this is the only way I know how accomplish it.

I feel like a loser. Espicially at chruch. Isn't that horrible. PPBC is so cliquish though. I went on a mission trip (which is usually a bonding experience) with the pastors daughter and she doesn't even talk to me if we see eachother in the hall. No one mentions my haircut. When I'm sad and sit for quite some time staring into space no one even thinks to ask if I'm okay. I can't wait until the AWANA year is over. Then I will leave the chruch and shake the dust off my sandals as I do. The people there have good intentions, but intentions get you nothing.

I miss GG. I really am trying to be mature about things and give him time and space, but I feel so incomplete without him. Even when we weren't hanging out together there was just this bit of security that I had because I knew he cared about me and now its gone. I feel like I'm back to being loser Tanya who can't have a real relationship and who lives with her parents. :(

Snip, snip, snip

went the scissors as my hair fell to the floor. I decided to get it cut. The only reason I had been keeping it long was for Gg. He decided that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I'm sad. I wish he saw himself the way I see him. I love him a lot and care about him. I don't like his decision, but at the same time I don't want to force him to be with me. I hope he can work through his issues. I miss him so much. :(

Hail

I'm so sad. Jet Black the Mystery Car was just pelted with hail. I was at work so I had a good view of the hail falling on it. It was so bad, because I watched it happen and there was nothing that I could do about it. :(

Shouldn't it be easy?

Sometimes I wish that things were easier. It seems like everytime things are good in my relationship something happens to mess it up. We work through stuff, so thats a good sign. I do consider it worth it, but sometimes I'm afraid to ask a question for fear it might lead to this horrible feeling that I get when he has to think things over. That is not healthy. I shouldn't be afraid to ask questions. I just have to trust God that if its his will things will work out.