California

I went to California with my boyfriend for Christmas. I still can't hardly believe I was able to go.

We had such a good time. After spending five days straight with each other we still like each other. I got to meet his family, which was nice. It gave me a bit of an opportunity to understand him better. We had fun riding in the airplanes making fun of the safety cards. We stared out the window the entire time out there seeing landscape that was new. California was beautiful. We went into the mountains and saw his dad's cabin. We stayed at his uncles house in the Valley and saw fruit groves. We went and had dinner in San Francisco at fisherman's warf and drove over the Golden Gate Bridge. I made him hunt down the John Wayne statue in Orange county. We had a great time together. :)

The Worst Week Ever

I think this has been just about one of the worst weeks ever. It started last weekend when I was just super moody. I even cried because i was told to eat more fish. Sunday morning I had to get up super early to open at Bob Evans, which isn't too big of a deal except I had a cold. Then its bed time and the tornado sirens go off, so we have to stay downstairs until the warning is over. Then I FINALLY go to bed way late and I have to work the next day. Monday was okay besides the fact I was still sick and moody and super tired. Tuesday Grandpa died. I was talking to ana and found out that Ike was arrested and might have to go to jail. Wednesday the only person who likes me at Phesant Point told me he was in a car accident and rolled his truck twice. Fortunately he was okay. Then there is just a bunch of stuff going. Its just been a bad week, I've been super tired and quite stressed. GG has been really good in putting up with me.

Grandpa

Grandpa died today.

I didn't expect it to happen. I know he was almost 98 (his Birthday is in December), but he was supposed to live to be a hundred. I love him so much, he is my favorite relative. He has always been there for my mom and me. I regret not calling him like I should have my mom said he was lonely. He was always affectionate, you could go give him hugs. He'd tell you that he loved you. I'm going to miss him. He doesn't want a big deal made out of his death. There isn't even going to be a funeral. I don't like that. I want some type of closure, but I'm not the one making the decisions. I just love my grandpa.

Saturday

Its been slow around here lately. Things have settled into a routine. I'm working my 6 days a week. M-F for ES and Sundays at Bobs. Having a Saturday off has got to be the coolest thing ever. I can't remember the last time I've had one, I had a period of about 9 months where I had weekends off since my first job. I went to the bank, I went to the store. I bought new clothes and super cute shoes :)I hung out with gg. It was so nice. I could get used to this.

Doing the 9 to 5

Well, actually its 8-4:30, but you get the idea. I have a grown up job, no more staying up super late doing nothing. No more not having to work during the week unless I feel like it. I recently started going to a small group Bible study and one of the girls there works for ESI. She started by working for a temp agency for express secripts, and decided to pass my resume on. Well two days later I went in for and interview and got a job. Yay. I started on Wed. of last week. Its an easy enough job, the people there are nice. I make about what I do at Bob's but at least here I can move up. For the rest of this week I am working to cover someone who had surgery and is on leave. After that I have no idea what I will be doing, but I hope its more interesting. I need something that will challenge me at least a lil bit.

I need a day off. I have worked 8 of the last nine days, plus I dont get another day off until next Saturday, if I'm lucky. :( Being an orphan makes things difficult too, because I get all the house stuff. Not that there really is that much to do when its just me.

GG and I celebrated two months on Friday. He got me red roses. :) I really like him a lot. A whole lot. Kristen said she knew after two months. I really like him. Its weird, because we do talk about serious stuff sometimes... He is super cool. We'll see....

Cool.

The past week I have enjoyed having the family around, espicially since they had been gone. I missed the noise and wildness that comes with having kids, a dog, and my mom in the house. I like that now since we are both "adults" to a certain extent, we talk about stuff. We borrow clothes, discuss life. I see many of my friends who don't have good relationships with their parents and I feel sad for them. I am blessed to have good parents espicially my mom, and I don't often appreciate her enough.

Another day, another $10.25

I have been bothering my managers all week to work. Since no one's home, I have been bored. Having the house to myself is great, I always enjoy my first few days as an orphan. Them it gets boring. You can only watch so much mindless t.v. Today I'm lucky enough to have picked up a few hours at work. Ed called me to hostess, them because he was too lazy to add hostess to my sign-in he is paying me my retail pay. Its making up for me not working all week. Plus, it has been so dead here all I've done is busy work and play on my phone. Life is great!

Happy

I am happy. I have a good relationship, for once I am not the "queen of singleness". My boyfriend is super cool. He does great things for me like brings flowers and takes me on suprise dates. He is such a great guy. I can trust him entirely.

My trust in people has been shaken a bit. Apparently the flirt had a girlfriend. The whole time he was showing interest in me. Nice to know after the fact. I feel so bad for the girl, she called me up crying. I know I would have been. It just makes me mad that he treated her that way. Too bad all girls can't find a guy as good as my gg. I am glad I never let it leave work.

Country Roads

This weekend I finally made it out to ana's house in the sticks. Someone at work offered to work my Sunday for me and I wasn't going to refuse and offer like that.

Incredibly we left the house at 11:30 pm. Olney is a cute little town. It is a picturesque small town. They have a post office, a baptist church, and a small store. It took me 30 seconds to walk from one end to the other in the middle of the highway because there were no cars. It was nice to finally see the place where ana comes from and meet her "babies".

Green and Purple

So I am bored. Blytheville, AR, is now to be known as as blizzard town (B-town for short). Last December, we were driving through there on our way home from Lousiana. The driving conditions were so bad we stopped to get a hotel room for the night. WE were registering when the power went out, yet we still chose to stay there. It was a fun adventure. Partway through the night the power did come back on, but it was cold.
I injured my toe. Its so dumb, I was at grandmommy's house and D left her stool in the middle of the walkway. It was dark and I didn't see it, so I tripped. I hurt my second toe and my foot. Its all nice and green and purple, so I have been limping around. It annoying because I can't work. :( Instead I get to be at home watching tv and house cleaning.

I am beginning to realize that I am so like my mom. She is my best friend. I haven't talked to her since last night and miss her. Espicially because she is not answering her phone. I dont have anything really important to tell her. I am just frustrated that I can't.

My adventure life

So its 9 on sunday morning. The power is out at bob evans. You never know what is going to happen. We are getting to play. I will tell you more later.

She's got a boyfriend now!

The queen of singleness has finally laid aside her crown. GG and I are "official". It feels strange to have a boyfriend, I am not quite sure how to act, am I supposed to try to see him everyday? What do I say to all my friends? family? although my grandmommy will be pleased. She never fails to ask me if I have "found a fellow". So now I can answer yes. Tommrow he is taking me out for a suprise. I like suprises, it will be a good time I'm sure.

On another note, although I almost never comment on life outside the tanya bubble, I feel as if I must. The hurricane and flood damage in the south is unreal. I watch it everyday and it feels like a movie. I'm sure there will be one out next year sometime. It hurts to see all this human suffering. This shouldn't happen in America, yet it has. I wonder what kind of impact it will have on life. All day long the tv is on one of the news networks, I have almost cried a few times, just seeing the pictures and hearing the stories. When I get online, I head straight to nbc and fox to read the latest. I read fox's blog about a lady from Slidell, then I find a link to a site that has listings of people who have opened their homes to the victims. Some make me laugh, because of the requests or offers they make. I wish I could do somthing. I have been praying, which doesn't really feel like much, but then I realized that the God I've been praying to controls the waters. Hopefully this will be a time where many people will turn to him.

Now I have options

I met a boy. Well, actually I have known this boy for a while. We just got to that point where we decided that we might be interested in each other. I've already subjected him to my family. He even went on a Muny trip with us. She approves. He is a good guy. From now on he will be referred to as gg (good guy). He even installed my cd player into Jet Black ~the Mystery Car~. How nice is that? He lives about 10 minutes away. Perfect.

On the flip side, I still flirt with work guy. I must let go of this silly infatuation. It would be a hundred times easier if I got a new job, but since that hasn't happened I'll just have to be a grown-up and be mature about it.

Because the choice is clear... right? Of course right!

M's Birthday

M is eight now. She woke up "on the sunny side" today, completely happy its her birthday. I felt bad that I had to go into work for a lil while. At least I got to see her though. I think the last couple of years going back to school has interfered with it.

Pack up the RV on a Ramblin Road Trip

This week has become one of hte most hectic of the year, but the funnest. Its VBS at Pheasant Point. It is one of the things this church does well. Just like the past few years I have the job of Photographer. I love it. I don't have the responsibility of teaching a class, I get to play with all the kids and wander in and out of rooms without anyone questioning me.

Its so much fun! One of the VBS kids, who is super cool and loves getting her picture taken took the one that is now my profile pic. Just so you know I have the lead for the teachers in Oreo stacking with a grand total of 25. :)

Running on E

I am not the smartest person in the world. I'm sure that is not a suprising fact to those who know me. I have been working like crazy, running around all over the place.

Remember my old white car? It had this nice light that would come on when the gas was low. I was able to drive for a while when the light came on. Jet Black - The Mystery Car has no such light. I found that out today. I found that out across the street from the gas station. I was leaving Bob Evans intending to stop and get fuel on the way home, but I never made it out of the lot. So after setting my ememrgency lights on I go back inside. I ask around for a gas can, but no one has one. Then I walked to the gas station, they let you borrow a gas can for a nice $5 deposit. I also had to give them money for the gas I put in it. I left my wallet in the car, but fortunately I had like $7 in my apron pocket from the hour I waitressed.

I made it home, barely, with a newly learned lesson. Just like people can't run on E neither can cars.

Steve Erwin doesn't have anything on me!

"TANYA! IS THAT A SNAKE IN THE GARAGE?" I go and look. It was. Not just any snake, but a scary black one that is three miles long. It doesn't reside in a nice safe glass cage, but it is hanging out in our garage. The garage that I was just in two minutes previously in shorts with bare feet. It could have attacked me.

We call my dad, who is out shopping and my mom and I take shifts watching it. I grabed a mop planning on squashing it if it tries to come anywhere near me. Just before my dad arrives it moves into the rather large pile of stuff in our garage. We can't see where it went.

My dad looks all around and we almost give up, until finally he sees it behind some boards. I stand guard while my dad constructs a noose. He almost has it and then it slithers off. So we have another big search and then comes the action scene. The snake is on the move, I have my mop and dad the noose and we are trying to trap it in one spot. It latches onto some shelves, but dad manges to trap it. Then the snake begins to tie itself around the frame of the shelf. We use an old snowscraper to untie the knot of reptile.

Now its time to go over our options, to kill or not to kill. Its ugly and black with a faint diamond patter. I say KILL! but Dad decides to have mercy and release in the cornfield behind the house. Where does it decide to go? Right back toward our yard. Mom and I have the flashlights trying to follow it on its journey, like the star of a play. Sneaky snake however does not like being the star. He wants to be behind the scenes, so he crawls under a rock. We have lost him.

I'm a Wimp

I really don't know what to write. I just know that I have to.
I don't really understand it. Lately it seems all the guys that I even manage to halfway date lose interest rather quickly. Except this guy who gives me attention at work, but I'm scared to even mention him to my family. I know he isn't right for me, but I just want to be liked. Every time in the past when I have tried sneaking around things have turned out bad, something which I do not want to repeat. Still what am I to do? I might be 22, but usually it feel more like 18. Maybe I'm acting like it. What would I say? "Its my life, let me make my mistakes?" Then I don't even know what would happen and I'm too scared to see. I always try to live up to my mother's expectations. She tells me to be "a step above" she wants me to succeed. I can't stand disappointing her. Not that I don't have goals and dreams of my own, she reminds me of things I've said for myself. it just seems like I always try to gain her favor, and when I do something that won't; I just hide it. Which is wrong. I can't do that anymore since I'm not 15.
I'm a wimp.

Home Alone

Last weekend has been quite fun. Sometimes, I get the house to myself. Its nice. I like it a lot.

Yesterday I ran into one of my school friends. I was driving down the road and he was next to me in his car. So we both put our windows down and had a conversation. It was interesting, but we got to hang out then. It saved me from another boring night sitting at home alone in front of the tv hoping that some halfway decent movie will come on.

Anyways, I'm off to meet with some people I used to go to church with. They might have a little project for me to do for their company.

Networking

Once again I am at my favorite coffee house. I think they are starting to know me, a little bit at least. There are other people that I see her regularly also. One of them is the president of Servitium. He asked if I though they could use a PR person and told me to get back with him in a couple days and gave me his card. Now I just have to figure out what to tell him.

I love you guys' comments. They always make me laugh.

one more thing

I just have to say that I have found the worst website ever. This is a PR company in St. Louis. It was on my list of places to apply, but if their website is this bad, I just don't think I can.

http://www.maringweissman.com/index.html

Swing, swing, swing

I get to go back to school! At least for one class--a swing dancing class. I'm taking it with Hampster. Slatts was supposted to be taking it too, but the girl he wanted to take it with couldn't do it on Thursdays and Hampster couldn't do it on Wednesdays, so we divided up our little group. I AM EXCITED!

Ana starts at Bob Evans tommrow. It should be fun, I've never gotten to work with one of my friends before. Plus, there is someone who likes me at work. Makes things kinda interesting.

Got my Ears Lowered

I just got a new haircut. Its super cute. I don't think its ever been this short before, but I like it. Hopefully now my head won't always be so hot. I just have to say that I did not cut it "Pedro short" my head was not that hot.

Today is the first day I get off of work in 10. I am quite happy. I pratically was living at Bob Evans I spent so much time there. Now I am on protest and refuse to go in until I have to (or they offer me good things).

Tonight my mom and me are going to look at the apartment that I might move into. I hope all goes well. Maybe I'll move this week. It would be super cool, no more curfew, but I'll prolly starve.

The Second Interview

I got the job. I rocked the socks off of the people at Arch Acquisitions. Too bad it was entirely sales, then you get to advance to management. Two things which I don't really want to do. The search is back on.

I've had the house to myself for a few days. I can't wait to move out. Its nice to be selfish and do what I want when I want and not have to worry about other people. Plus, control of the tv is nice, not that I watch it that much.

I called up the guy who I had been dating and basically left him a voicemail saying everything I've been thinking. He hasn't called back to try to resove it. I hung out with someone from Bob Evans. Don't worry, I've already been asking myself "why?"

Rent

I have found this really nice coffee house in O'Fallon, its called Picasso's. I have a feeling they are going to know me really well soon with as much time as I spend here, but I like the atmosphere better than Bread Co. and the coffee is good.

My life has settled into this boring mix of looking for a job, working almost full time at the one I have, and helping my parents around the house. I don't get to see much of my friends, but its probably partially my fault. At the same time if they were really good friends dont you think they might call me once in a while?

Published

A few weeks ago I sent out a press release about the fact that Bob Evans sponsereda biker for the BACA (Bikers against child abuse). Well today the hostess was looking through the paper and found the story I wrote. It was super cool I had no idea that it was actually going to get published. Now maybe my name will finally be put up in gold on the wall. Too bad its only The Scoop a small community newspaper.

Thinkin

So I spend the last week on vacation with my family in TN. We went hiking and I had never realized how much easier it is to really think about things in the middle of trees. So I came to several conclusions about things

1. I'm going to stay in St. Louis until I have good reason to leave, I don't like the uncertainty that my family has about moving and where and when.

2. As soon as I get a job I'm moving out of my parents house. I love them, but I want to be independent.

3. If I dont have a job by the fall, I'm going to stay at Bob Evans and apply to be a manager. Its my plan C.

4. The guy I am dating is not "the one". We are going no where, I say "enjoy the summer" with a secret hope that in the fall when he goes away to school, he will have become attached enough to me that we will stay together. Dumb, Tanya, dumb, not gonna happen, and if he did, I don't even know if he would be the right guy.

5. I need to go church singles group hopping to perhaps meet the right guy. If there is a right guy, or maybe I'll just have a big house and lots of money and adopt kids from Russia or Guatemala.

6. I should go to Europe. It would be fun. Now I just need to recruit someone to come with me.

7. Survivor need a contestant like me. If I were to get on the show, maybe it would help my chances of getting a job, because people would think I was cool for being on tv. That is even cooler than being on the front of the school web site.

While I'm sure that I thought about other things, that is all I can think of for now.

ciao

The first interview

Well, I survived my first job interview. It wasn't too bad, but the guy who interviewed me had seen about 23 out of 25 people he had scheduled for that day. Needless to say he was tired, I don't think I impressed him much and I didn't get called back, which is nice because I wasn't quite sure if the job was what I wanted to do. O'Fallon is a no go either. :( I am sending out a resume to Lutheran Hour Ministries, Radio would be fun, but I have an idea that I probally sound about 9 years old on the air. At least thats what my phone voice is usually like.

I'm tired, I got to work all day today. I get to work tommrow morning, but then I get a week of freedom!!! Hurrah, kind of. Oh well, I'll get to see where my car was born in Spring Hill, TN.

Last night one of my friends announced that I was on the mobap homepage. LOL I had to laugh it was a pic of me with my best laptop ever! Its strange to see yourself like that, but fun. It would just have been super cool if in the article they had spelled my name right and called me a senior instead of a soph.

So work is fun lately. One of the guys is interested in me. I flirt back, but he is not "hub" material, not that he is a bad guy, I just don't want to date someone with a kid, or is not a Christian. If only the RIGHT guys would show interest.

City of O'Fallon

So I decided that I should start my quest for being involved in government with the city of O'Fallon. Its the second biggest city in the Metro area, following St. Louis itself. We have a new mayor and hopefully she will want a new college grad on her team.

I hope to impress, so right now I am researching what is all going on in this second largest town. I haven't found much, but we have a television station. That could be fun. I'll update on how it goes.

Graduation

Just like everyone else who blogs, I must write about this important event that has occured. I graduated college. It was kind of exciting; kind of sad. I don't exactly know what to think. I've worked for this goal so long and now that I have accomplished it what am I supposed to do with myself. I have to be an adult and responsible and all that stuff.

Another aspect of it. I was sitting listening to Dr. Lacy talking and thinking about how I was supposed to walk across the stage shake his hand, get my dipolma case (which contained a note that said "If you pay all the money you owe us, you will get your actual diploma in two weeks") and walk off. That was it. Nothing more. It seems like some change should happen, like suddenly you have all this knowledge, or you get two inches taller or something. It just was such an insignificant thing, to walk across that stage, and then it made me wonder just how insignificant it is to graduate? It doesn't really change who I am, now I just have (or will have) a piece of paper that says I accomplished something.

This is the last night.

My last night of school and oh what possibilities it had. At home, I have more responsiblities and do not have the same freedom that I do at school, so I had better enjoy tonight to the fullest.

We went to City Muesuem, Miranda's sister was in town for graduation tommrow and had never been there. We ran into another girl in the lobby and invited her to come along as well. Then Anne came home and we convinced her to join us on the voyage to downtown.

It was such a random group of people, but all fun people. We played at City Museum and they played Postal Service as the background music, which was amazing. The outside part was closed, so now we have a good reason to go back soon. Then afterwards we went to Denny's and had a big dinner/breakfast/whatever middle-of-the-night food is called. It was such a good time, a nice memory of a last night of school. I'm glad I didn't go out and be "bad" as I had considered. Just because I can do something doesn't always mean I should.

THAT. WAS. AWESOME.

So I had to wait for this post until I knew the final outcome of events. Those of you who know me in person, know that I have this crazy streak that must assert itself every-so-often. It did just that Wednesday Night.

Now I want to reach legend status at school. Its almost the end of school, so I knew I had to act quickly. Now I came up with this entertaining idea. Lots of times people will go and TP a teachers' house. Now while that sounds like it would be fun, that is not legendary status. So I had to think better. What is the one place on campus that every student has been, and is supposed to be every week? Chapel of course. Now what would happen if it were to get decorated? It would look amazing. It would be incredible. So I pondered the how we could pull if off and recruited a couple of friends.

We had 36 rolls and we used them well. I climed up on the catwalk and draped TP from the ceiling. AB covered every railing, BW helped me throw stuff off the balcony. It was great. Our plan wasn't quite fool-proof though.

We were called in to Dr. Chamber's office on Monday morning. We were told that it took housekeeping a lot of work to clean it up and we had to do something to make it up. Our punishment is to wash the MBU busses. I don't mind at all. It will be fun and AB is all about "Tom Sawyering" it, which sounds like a good idea to me.

more of a wide angle shot

the whole thing

My ceiling

S L 2

I get my car today!!! I'm so excited. I really need one, before I can start the next chapter of my life. Its the end of the beginning. It will be so liberating to be able to go somewhere when I want. I miss that freedom. I can't even remember how many times I've said that I couldn't do something because of my lack of car, but it all will be soved at 2:00 in the afternoon.
Its dark blue and a 97 Satrun SL2. It has four doors which will be nice. Its is supposed to get really good gas milage, something close to 30. Its only got 67k and I spent $4,000 which is exatly what I had budgeted. I'm so excited!!!!

Breaking a rule

So while its not an official rule, I have this thing about dating a guy after my friend has done so. I just think that it is a little bit ackward. Even if in times past this friend may have mentioned setting you up with this guy. But at another time in the past had asked if you were interested and asked you not to be. Now however things have changed enough where you think it would be alright.

What if this guy would complement you really well? What if he actually liked you back? What if the little bit of feeling you have had for him are suddenly turning into something more? Do I date him? What do I say to my friend? Its so confusing! What if there isn't even something to tell her, at least not yet? Is this a bad idea?

I need a car!!!

so if ever you're bored and feel like reading back all the way to December you can see pictures of what happened to my car. It was sad. I regret the way things happened. Four months have gone by and I still don't own a big hunk of metal that can take you places fast. Its frustrating! I feel as if the rest of my life is on hold until I can solve this one problem. I've been looking in the paper and even went and looked at a dealership, but there is not a big selection in my price range. Right now I'm tired of asking people to bring me places. I miss driving where I wanted when I wanted. I barely think I remember how to do it. I miss being in the car and singing along to the radio at the top of my lungs because no one is there to laugh at me. I miss changing the station every 3 seconds to make sure I am hearing the absolute best song ever! soon... very soon or I might go crazy!!!

The best day ever!

Its my birthday--the best holiday of the year. I started by staying up until midnight w/senior boy. I figured since I had to work Sat morning therefore not staing up too late tonight I should start celebrating the moment I turned 22. Then I went to sleep, because sleep is good. I worked in admissions and got to go on a forever long tour. I had hoped that they might do something fun, but no such luck. Oh well. Then I got to go to class. I think that you ought to be excused on your birthday. At this time I was wearing the Birthday Tiara, and got a few strange looks when I walked into the classroom. but then I said it was my birthday and don't forget it is me after all, so what do you expect?

After class I hung out in my room until the evening when I went to go see Little Women with my mom, sisters and Hannah. It was a good play but it always makes me mad that Jo and Laurie don't end up together. Amy is such a brat, she shouldn't get to have him.

Oh I forgot the really fun part of my birthday. Miranda had to leave earlier than I, like before I drag myself out of bed early. so she made a pile of presents on my floor. I got a Grover kite, a cake with an octopus, roadkill fruit snacks, and a cd. Fun fun. I like Miranda presents because they are so random.

Left without saying Goodbye

Freshman boy is gone. He left this morning. There was no "hey I decided to leave school early." No goodbye phone call. No goodbye note. His friends told me. I even saw him last night. He didn't say a word to me about it. I left the lobby for a bit and when I came back he was gone, which wasn't a big deal. I didn't know I wouldn't get to see him again. I guess I didn't matter to him at all. I was even somewhat upset with him last night because I heard that he said "he only called me when he was desperate and bored". Now I see that it must have been true. We've been friends since welcome weekend. I thought we were pretty close. I even used to talk to his mom one the phone sometimes. He ment so much more to me than I ever let on, and now what am I supposed to do?

Waitor Boy

So I haven't talked about waiter boy at all yet. I met him at the rehersal dinner of Kristen's wedding. He was waiting on us and all us girls thought he was gorgeous. I flirted a little and thought about giving him my number (something that I've NEVER done before). I wouldnt' have actually done it, but one of the other girls told me I should. So I wrote it on a sugar packet and gave it to him when we were leaving. He said that he was going to ask me for it anyways. That was smooth of him, but he really was serious.

So he doesn't call until the next weekend when my phone is in roaming because of vacation. I get the message, but dont call him back. He then calls again after a couple of days. I decide that I'm going to text message him, because I don't want him to think that I wasn't interested. So we go back and forth until I get back home.

When I finally get to talk to him on the phone, I find out that he is really cool. He was a communucation major who graduated from Missou. (no more freshmen!) He's smart and has a sence of humor. When he came to pick me up on our coffee date we met in the lobby. Of course many of my friends just happened to be there. Nici came into my room before I went out and was like "a really hot guy just walked in. is that who you're going out with?" Later he teased me because almost everyone asked him if he was there to meet me.

He even walks in puddles. We were walking down the street the side that I was on had a lot of little puddles, he made me switch him spots so I wouldn't have to walk through them. I didn't know guys did that kind of thing anymore. It made me feel really special. I hope that I get to see a lot more of him.

Security Spoof, Here I Come!

Today is the day.It has finally arrived. I get to make a video that makes fun of our security guards. I'm afriad. This is a big project to be done by me. I hope everyone comes through. I'm nervous, which doesn't happen very often. I just am not sure that I can get it done. What if I fail and it turns out horrible? I HAVE to finish it by Friday. That gives me almost no time to edit. AAAHHHH!!!! At least the weather is good, so long as nothing changes and it doesn't begin to rain. If it rains this afternoon, I think I might cry. My grade depends on this and I like to get "A"s. Pray for me.

Spring Break

Spring break is about to start! It will be nice, I need a break from getting new assignments, so I can get caught up on the old ones. I plan on doing much homework on the beach.

I hate knowing things that I'm not supposed to. I wish that we didn't have so many secrets.

I graduate in 7 weeks. One of those weeks is spring break so really its just like 6. What am I going to do? I haven't started job hunting yet because I dont have a car.

Kristen's Wedding

Kristen's married!!!
The wedding was so much fun. She's a lucky girl. Friday night was the rehersal, it was cool getting to meet all the rest of the people in the Wedding party. We then went out to Wilikers in St. Charles and were waited on by the hottest waiters I've ever seen.

Then it was off to the Landing for the Bachorlette party! We didn't go clubbing, Marissa had made a t-shirt for Kristen with several different "things she had to do before she could get married". It was really funny. Some of her things were to get an older guy's phone number, find people to sing the Fresh Prince of Belair song with her. The rest of us were given cards with certain people we had to find, then do something about it. One I had was "guy you would never take home to your parents" I was then giving the option of asking him a cheezy pick-up line or something else. It was great fun!!

The day of the wedding all of us girls took hours getting ready. We looked hot! Then we went to the chruch and did more primping, and the photographer took pictures. My cameral got dropped so I all the clear pictures are pre-wedding, but thats okay. Hopefully, I can get it fixed.

It was a good ceremony and Kristen and Jeff had their first kiss. It was so sweet. I wish that my first kiss was on my wedding day (at least sometimes), but it was sweet. They are so happy!

Guilt

Have you ever done someething bad? Something that would be bad if others knew? but if you told them it wouldn't be believed. and it wasn't entirely your fault? I hate it i hate me, i hate circumstance!!!

I feel mean.

Do you ever just get tired of your freinds? I love my group of friends. They're really fun, but right now they are just getting on my nerves. Nothing in particular, just in general. I need to hang out with different people for a while. I think its just that we are together almost all the time. I need variety, I need to do something different. I feel bad or guilty for having these feelings. I'm not so worried right now about being done with school. I will be good to do something different. I think that I am ready for some change now.

Midterm

So I'm supposed to write my American Political Thought paper for tonight. Plus, I have a mid-term that is due at midnight. Needless to say here I am writing my blog. I can't concentrate and I don't know what to do. I feel so dumb on my World Lit. everyone else comes up with theses ideas that make them sound really intelligent. I'm afraid that I'll do bad, and not sound smart at all. I'm not worried about my Pol thought class. I can always pull that off, I just can't finish it until late Monday afternoon. Anyways I'm going back to my room now hopefully the internet will work there and I can finish.

Life in general, nothing special

Its hard to write when not much that is blog-worthy happens in my life right now. The guys in my life are being dumb. Although senior guy, has started paying attention to me again. I don't know whats up with that, but its cool. For the longest time he was polite if he saw me, but not overly friendly. It all changed Friday night at mid-winter cosmic bowlin. He went back to the guy I originally met and liked. Still I'm sure nothing will happen there.

All I want is to meet a guy that I have a chance with. Its not such a hard request. Still I do have a great group of chick friends to hang out with. In that way I'm really blessed. I have the kinds of friendships I always wished that I had in Highschool.

Average Day

I'm back to normal tanya. Yay, its nice to be back. Things from last week aren't really resolved, but I'm more accepting of them. I just get like that sometimes.

So here's something strange, I went out with an ex on Thursday night. It was really intersting. In some ways he hasn't changed. It was very different to be with him. It could have been easy to go back a couple years to when we dated. At the same time I realied that my decision in breaking up was the right one. He asked me about it and I tried to explain, but he countered all my reasons. I don't want to play with him.

I should sleep although at this point its kinda silly. I have NOTHING do to tommrow at all. Cheerleading practice was cancelled and that was my only scheduled activity. So I'll prolly end up sleeping in a bit and then going stir-crazy in my room. I hope someone can hang out with me.

GRRR

I'm in one of those moods. Its the time where I get so fruatrated and bored. I'm just not happy. I need to do something, sameness is going to kill me. Loneliness is no good. Part of it is due to the fact that Feb. 3 always makes me think about what could have been. How my life would be different had I chosen a different path. I think the decision I made was a good one, but I never can be completely sure. Seven years is a long time to remember.

Why can't I be in a relationship? I ask myself this all the time. All of my friends have someone, yet I'm alone. People tell me I'm pretty, I don't think I'm too strange or anything. Strill its hard to imagine that the problem is with other people. I must be doing something wrong, I just don't know what.

To add to the frustration, Pharmboy messaged me out of no where. Its just reminding me of more junk. Then I was supposed to hang out with another friend from work. He totally stood me up. I just don't know what to do!

Christmas In January

We had our big sister's day. Instead of Springfield, we met in Decatur this weekend. We ate at Cracker Barrel. It was interesting, my mom let me pay for my own meal. she's never done that before when we go out together. Its nice, in some ways I don't feel like she wants me to be dependant on her anymore.

Then we went to the Children's Mueseum which was really neat. The kids enjoyed it of course, but the had other things that were neat too. I hung out more with my Aunt Chrissy than anyone else. Mom and Aunt Nean have kids so they were more interested in being moms and talking about Mom things. It was still pretty neat.

We opened our presents and all of us got new nicknames mine was Miss Gigglehiney. I don't know where they came from, but Aunt Neans was the best-- Miss Poopsie Rhinotush. Anyways all of us got matching rings so I took a picture of it.

they're crazy

aren't we cool

our new rings

McKendree

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not good at sports. I can barely catch a ball, but I did go to the Basketball game tonight. Its fun to watch the cheerleaders, its a sport I think that I could actually participate in. Usually the games are not very exciting, and not one really gets into it. Tonight was different. The bleachers were crowded with our fans and people from McKendree. Everyone was cheering. People in the crowd were starting chants that the cheerleaders would pick up. It was the best game I've ever been to. It was exciting and we won! Too bad all our games aren't like this.

Changing Times

I've changed lately. I spend much more time with my chick friends. Movie watching and internet surfing consumes much of it, too. Espicially sending out random e-mails. Miranda and I have a quote board ont eh back of our door filled with dumb things that have been said-- I don't know anyone I haven't met yet.-- MoBaT -- Don't date until you're married. -- I don't (k)ick puppies.

Its very frustrating not having a car. I'm totally reliant on other people fro rides. Its helping me to develop good friendships and be more studious. I WANT a 4.0 this semester. It's my last chance.

I tried out for Little Women, but didn't get a part. The same people as usual are in it. Big Suprise. I only halfway wanted one, but I was disappointed for Jenny, because she did. It makes me mad that Joy doesn't give more new people a chance. I think that they would suprise her.

and if not too late for coffee...

I got a coffee maker! Its very exciting considering I've never had one of my very own before. I'm up late because I consumed an extremely large amound of that dark, delicious liquid. Plus I have homework that is due tommrow. Did I not say I was going to be good like senior boy and get it done early? I really was but I had to read a book that was 300ish pages. Now I like to read and give me a 300ish fiction book--two days. but a book about the writing of the constitution--much longer.

Miranda and I have made a new friend. He doesn't kick puppies. We have started a wonderful e-mail relationship, with entertaining random e-mails. There is another new friend we have that we met at a party that he invited himself to. When we questioned him, we asked where he went to school. He said "MoBat". We laughed. He was strange, but very amusing.

Back to Home

I'm here, back at school for my last semester. Its scary, after this I'll have to go be an adult out in the real world. No more of what I've been doing the last 16 years.

Being back in the dorms is so nice. I got to see Miranda, Hannah, Mike, Darrin and all these other people I haven't seen in a good three weeks. My first class was tonight. American Political Thought, I questioned the reason for me taking it. I felt very lost. Then two of my not-favorite people are in the class--loser boy James(I'll tell the story another day), and Brent. I want a 4.0 semester though. I'm gonna be like senior boy and get assignments done early. Speaking of him, we have a class together 2nd 8 weeks, which makes me happy. Even though dating is not an option, I like him to have him as a friend.